What was interesting is how much my life has changed immeasurably during the 7 years, but sometimes i feel like i'm another crossroads in my life 7 years on, and the more things change, it become quite apparent that the more things stay the time. To mark my comeback in to the world of Blogging, i'll try and do a recap over the last 7 years of my life although there is quite a lot to go at.
Looking at my blog, the one thing is that strikes me is that i was a single lad at the time, and enjoyed going out on the pull, and the thrill of the chase. Well seven years has changed a lot of things, and my perception of relationships. Roughly a year on from my last blog update on here, i went out on a Sunday Night for a few beers with one of my mates, and i met Joanna who quickly became many different things to me, my soul-mate, my best friend, my girlfriend, my lover and i loved her lots, maybe too much, but as time passed things changed. We got engaged after a few months, it was a drunken engagement in the back of a black cab. We was talking about if we would ever get married to each other, and one thing led to another and we got engaged there and then. We bought a house, ended up getting married and having our son, Harrison, but somewhere along the line it started going wrong, we both fell out of love, took each other for granted, and ended up drifting apart to the extent where the end was inevitable and it came after less than two years of marriage. Not long after i split with Joanna, i started seeing a girl called Laura, and it was great, i'd moved out of the family home, got a new flat and a new girlfriend but at the time i couldn't see that it was too soon to enter a relationship after the breakdown of a long term relationship and i called it all off before Christmas 2010. It was one of the hardest things i have ever had to do, but it was the right thing to do, and relationship wise i have been single and happy for most of the last year. I'm not actively seeking a relationship, but it would be nice if one happened along the way. One big difference is my attitude towards relationships, and one thing that showed me the change is the fact i had a couple of one night stands last year, and the sense of pride, not being able to wait to tell the lads about another notch on the bedpost was replaced by a sense of self-loathing and disappointment with playing with someone else's emotions as well as my own. Maybe it is maturity, or seeing things with a bit more clarity. Back to my marriage break-up. It was a difficult situation, but the one thing that did surmise it perfectly was the fact that i had planned a monster session with the lads to 'celebrate' my divorce, but in the end when the decree absolute came through i changed my mind as i didn't get married to get divorced and felt a sense of failure, although i hold on to the hope that we can begin to start an amicable relationship for the sake of our son Harrison as it is what he deserves, and the bitterness and acrimony does nobody any good in the end.
Something else i noticed was my lack of enthusiasm for work, and reading between the line, back at the time, i was at some point going to leave the company i was working for, and more through their choosing than my own. I was working as a Customer Host on board a train, and earning good money for what i was doing, but taking too much time off work, i had too much of a casual attitude towards work, and was maybe taking the piss a little bit. Well 7 years on, i'm still there. I wanted to leave for quite a while but nothing came up as i was too lazy to look for something else, and i also was a dead cert for the sack at various time. I can't pinpoint when it changed, but i began to knuckle down, work hard and ended up having three promotions and now i'm a depot driver working at Nottingham Station. I've gone from being a potential sacking to being well regarded by my management. Instead of being off sick all the time, i'm very very rarely off work. I enjoy my job, enjoy working with the people i do, i see that i have got a steady settled job and going to work is a pleasure for me now, and i hope it stays like that.
Over the last 7 years, i had the best day of my life. The 9th of June 2009, when i had that overwheming moment where nothing else mattered, and i felt pure and unadultered love that only a new parent can experience. We had a boy called Harrison and i love him more than anything in this world. Becoming a parent for me was an experience that was full of hope, someone to take over from me in this world, somebody who i could hand down my dreams and aspirations to and take them over, and share the enjoyment of Harrison achieving the stuff i had always wished i had achieved.
One thing i wish i had done, and this goes back to another regret, but a lot longer back, is to keep a diary to record what i was doing at the time, and how i felt about things, because there has been a lot of stuff gone off over not just the last 7 years, but the last 34 years that seemed important at the time, but over the passage of time has been forgotten about and replaced with new memories. Looking back at my old blogs of 7 years ago, i find fascinating to compare and contrast with how things are today. In a way if i had continued then a blog with 7 years of entry's could be the same as 7 years worth of stuff scrawled away in a beaten up old diary.
If this turns out to be my last blog for the next 7 years and i come back to it at the age of 41 (sobering thought as at 27 when i last blogged i didn't realise how quickly being 34 would come around) it will be interesting to see how life was in Jan 2012, although all i have done with post is to try and recount a few things from the last 7 years, without going in to much detail so far in this post. I will try and paint a more accurate picture of how things are at the present time in future posts if i get around to keeping it going for longer this time.
I'm not sure what i will be putting on here in the next few weeks, but what i will endeavour to do is try and write about whatever takes my fancy, be it about football, life, politics, current affairs, music, what i've been up, or what i've had for my tea (salad if your wondering, i'm on a health kick).
Thankyou for reading, and until next time, take care.
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